This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
