nut hugger
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
