his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
