I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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