I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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