Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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