I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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