i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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