Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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