Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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