his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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