remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
