tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
