I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
