I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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