don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
