I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
