i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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