One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
