Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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