I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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