Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
