If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I looked at my own cervix.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
