you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
