Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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