making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
