His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
