If i come over, it means nothing
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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