The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
