she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want her autograph on my taint
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
