Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize