I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Me too!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
