she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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