I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He better not be in your backpack
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
