its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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