Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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