She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
