no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
