I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
