I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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