My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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