sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
