She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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