I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
