I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
