you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
