I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
