I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
