maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
