So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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