Fine. I'll sleep in my office
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
