mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
