Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
