I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
