rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
