I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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