do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
either way he was missing a nipple.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
