Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
