guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
