i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
