I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
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If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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