i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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