Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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