I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
