I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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