Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize