Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
