I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
