There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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