i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
