can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
