mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
