the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
