My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
