so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
