haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
