Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
