I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
