whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
