if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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