I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
