My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
