You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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