I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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