nut hugger
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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