You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
