Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
