So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Come see our sink grown plant.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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