I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
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Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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